"Any truth is better than indefinite doubt."
- Arthur Conan Doyle
Pressure. For so long I've defined myself as society intended - as a student - so much so that in the process, I've done a lot of quieting of my own voice because it's what others wanted, it's what others said was the right next step. I had always questioned whether or not school was the place for me, but reasons would outweigh my doubt.
My earliest memory of school is me as a 7 year old with five barrette-adorned ponytail twists terrorizing my class like a bat out of hell because back then my temper was wild and grew to be even wilder whenever I encountered the word "no". Even then I didn't like the environment I was in. There were certain things - there are certain things that I love about school. I love learning. I love the pats on the back that would undoubtedly reveal itself when hard work became evident in the form of A's or B's. I loved being a part of something bigger than myself. But somewhere after diploma and somewhere before Bachelor's Degree, that feeling that never went away heightened to a fever pitch.
"Why am I here?"
"Where am I going?"
She said, "You're not going back to school Sheriden."
My own question filled the tense air between us. "How do you know?"
"Because I know you."
There was such comfort living in her words. Perhaps because it felt like a relief that someone could somehow know me more than I knew me at the moment and perhaps knowing that one thing made what was unknown less scary. Thus, I was less afraid because there was answer there and there was certainty. I've begun to ask myself so many new questions, questions I'm allowing myself to become immersed within now that I've allowed myself to surrender to those curiosities.
What do you want?
I'm not always confident that I will find my way, but I am always certain that I will.
This post is part of The Layers of Self-Discovery Tour created by GG Renee of All the Many Layers. Follow the tour through the blogs of 26 women exploring the complexities of womanhood and self-discovery from A to Z. Click here to keep up with each post and enter to win a giveaway package full of goodies for your mind, body and soul. #LayersAtoZTour